Friday, June 10, 2011

Fixing the past

 Once I got sober I started to recognize how horrible I was to the people I love while I was drinking.  No manner of apology can ever erase some of the pain I caused and I have to accept that.  I have a tendency to want to "fix" everything right away and that is just not how it works.  It will take time to turn my life back around and I need to be patient with myself.
The problem for me comes when I want so much for a person to see how I have changed but all they can see is the old me.  Well the old me has been around a lot longer than the new me so guess who is going to come to mind first when someone things about me?  I need to stay confident that I am doing the right thing even if people never come back to me.  It's hard but I need to deal with reality now and not in a dream world like when I was drinking.
Sobriety is just the first step in my recovery.  It is a difficult first step to say the least but after that I can take a look at other character defects and begin to solve those with confidence.  Some of my difficluties will take longer to fix but if I keep at it I am confident that I can become a better man.  One day at a time.

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