Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Anger management

I didn't think I had an anger problem...that's because I never let myself get angry.  When I was a child I had a bad temper and as I entered adolescence and began to self medicate I realized that drinking made me forget most of my anger leaving me with only drunken rudeness to worry about and lets just sat that's not much to worry about.  So I created this anger management theory of either "whatever" or "fuck you" with no room for negotiation whatsoever in between the two.  Not very useful. 

Learning how to express appropriate male anger is my latest character defect I am working on and the other day I had a bit of a breakthrough.  I was visiting a friend of mine who has a dog and Fido had chewn two small holes through a soccer ball and had torn the bottom off of it completely. Another "friend" thought it would be funny to put the deflated ball over the dog's face like a mask.  It got put on and I was pissed but I didn't want to flip out on folks, so I stayed quiet, and was happy when the dog escaped.

The second time the "mask" was attempted to be put on the dog was running away and my " friend" said " It seems like he doesn't want it to be on"  and using my best authoratative voice I said " Well then don't put it on him then!" just that, no speech or grand gesture,  and it worked! The dog was safe, no more ball mask and most of all no escalation.

Not a huge moment but one that I will take with me and build on.  While I could have spoke up sooner I felt good about expressing my anger in a way that helped to stop a situation rather than cause it.  These are the little things that make sobriety so amazing.

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