Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Was Blind but now I see

Admitting I was an alcoholic was like removing a prism that I was looking at my life through.  I could finally see that it was me and my bad choices that were ruining my life, not the "world" or "they."  It's amazing to me that for sooo long I felt like something different would happen when I drank besides me getting totally wasted and turning into a dick.  I never had One beer.  It was all of them.  I never left any wine for cooking.  I emptied every bottle I opened.  I didn't think I had a problem, I just liked to drink and my life, for some reason, was not working out for me.  One day I would drink like a normal person and my life would get better.  Some days never come.

 I made  no connection whatsoever between by drinking and my utter lack of ability to carry anything through.  Start with five classes, drop two and get C's in the rest if I was lucky then take the next semester off because I wasn't " ready."  Quit a job because the boss was an asshole.  Drop a woman because there was another.  It's funny how once I stopped drinking the "assholes"disappeared, I got willing and I missed the woman I loved.  Well it's not funny at all.  It sucks.  But you know what, it's a fact.  I don't have to like it but I do have to deal with it. Admitting that I am an alcoholic let me start making the climb back out of the pit of incomprehensible despair that I had fallen into.  The truth really can set you free.

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