Admitting I was an alcoholic was like removing a prism that I was looking at my life through. I could finally see that it was me and my bad choices that were ruining my life, not the "world" or "they." It's amazing to me that for sooo long I felt like something different would happen when I drank besides me getting totally wasted and turning into a dick. I never had One beer. It was all of them. I never left any wine for cooking. I emptied every bottle I opened. I didn't think I had a problem, I just liked to drink and my life, for some reason, was not working out for me. One day I would drink like a normal person and my life would get better. Some days never come.
I made no connection whatsoever between by drinking and my utter lack of ability to carry anything through. Start with five classes, drop two and get C's in the rest if I was lucky then take the next semester off because I wasn't " ready." Quit a job because the boss was an asshole. Drop a woman because there was another. It's funny how once I stopped drinking the "assholes"disappeared, I got willing and I missed the woman I loved. Well it's not funny at all. It sucks. But you know what, it's a fact. I don't have to like it but I do have to deal with it. Admitting that I am an alcoholic let me start making the climb back out of the pit of incomprehensible despair that I had fallen into. The truth really can set you free.